BEING BLACK IN SUBURBIA: SAFETY & ANTI-RACISM

By Ani Carnell

There’s a conversation currently trending online and in our community about what safety means for Black people living in the United States. This follows the ongoing investigation of Nolan Wells, a Black teen who went missing and was found dead after a Fourth of July boat trip in Mississippi with an all-white friend group.

Many have repeated the usual complacent lines when tragedies of this nature happen: “What does race have to do with anything?” and “I don’t see color” – asserting their belief that issues of race don’t continue to plague our society. However, the story of Nolan Wells follows a long pattern of heartbreak Black folks have seen and know all too well. 

There are too many stories where other Black people went missing or were found dead after being isolated from other people of color: Alonzo Brooks, Tamla Horsford, Rasheem Carter, Lauren Smith-Fields, and Kendrick Johnson – to name a few. Their lives ended under shady circumstances and with unanswered questions, leaving their families without justice or peace. This eerily familiar pattern is the reason many young Black teens are taught to “act right” if they are pulled over by the police; the reason some Black children weren’t allowed to go to sleepovers or parties; the reason we are told not to go on runs alone or at night; the reason Black-centered community groups exist to provide spaces where people feel safe and comfortable. Black lives have been and are consistently being taken without explanation, care, or justice across the U.S.

To be the only Black person in the room oftentimes means feeling the head turns and stares from people around you. Or thinking about “being too much” in a space because you don’t want to be bothered or draw any further attention to yourself. It means wondering if a new relationship will move past surface-level due to the uncertainty of whether the other person will ever truly see you past the prejudices they have about your skin color. It’s the mental exhaustion of overthinking your appearance every time you leave the house, because no matter the look or location, someone else may have something to say about it. It’s a question of “Where are you really from?” or someone hurling a random epithet of “Slut” out at you when you’re walking down the street simply because of how your body is shaped. It becomes mentally taxing to constantly be so visible in a world that doesn’t want to acknowledge what has actually been happening in our communities now and historically. These experiences and stories may sound niche to some, but they are commonplace in the everyday lives of Black folks living in our own community.

This is the true price of being Black in suburbia: being put on display in a world that simultaneously treats you as invisible. You see a new name, face, and headline, but hear the same story, then have to think carefully about what you say, do, or where you go in certain situations because you run the risk of becoming the next headline. You’re cautious around white folks – not because you’re always apprehensive, but because it’s better to be safe than sorry. 

It’s generally hard to make new friends. It’s especially difficult and downright dangerous as a Black person to be introduced to a new group where there aren’t any other Black people; it begs the question of “Was that y’all’s choice or theirs?”, “Is this a space that allows folks to feel heard and seen?” , “Is it an opening and welcoming environment?” , “Do other people of color feel safe around this group?” And not safe in the “I’m not racist” type of way, but in the way of being surrounded by people who are actively anti-racist¹.

It’s necessary to have friends who actively oppose racism by advocacy in their political, economic, and social life. This means friends who will address racist jokes made by peers and family members even when their friends of color aren’t around. Friends that intervene if someone is getting harassed, even if they don’t know them personally. Friends who support Black creators and businesses financially and otherwise. Friends that make sure you made it home safe at the end of the hangout. Friends who sincerely want to learn and diversify their knowledge and experiences. 

The wellbeing of Black lives must matter to you – even and especially when it inconveniences you.

1. Pratt Institute Libraries describes anti-racism as “active work.” 
   ”Ultimately being non-racist is not the same as being anti-racist… Being anti-racist means opposing racism through focused and sustained actions, movements, and policies adopted or developed to oppose racism. To be an ally to people of color, you must be anti-racist.” ↩︎